Lonely

Sometimes the lonliness creeps over me like a fog. I miss the good ole days. I was always a social butterfly and I always loved meeting new people. I use to make people laugh. I was always the girl who could laugh at herself and be ok with it. Now I'm just embarrassed and I try very hard not to draw attention to myself because I feel like I just look sick.

Sometimes it's so hard. Right now I live in a world of planning what I am going to do when I feel better and look better. I have this tremendous urge to just go run. I use to run track when I was in high school and I long for that feeling of freedom you get when you are out on that track. I daydream frequently about going dancing. My best girlfriends and I use to go to this awesome place called Stoney's. I always highly disliked most country music until they introduced me to this place. OMG this place was the best ever! Oh to dance again...
 
BUT I tell you the thing I miss the most is playing with my daughter. She is such a joy! She has this beautiful light about her. She is just beautiful inside and out. For six she is such a strong little girl. She is always there with a smile, a hug, or just kind words for mommy when I am down and out. I know that I am blessed and I can't wait to show her the mommy I was just  two years ago. She deserves it!

Ayanna and me rolling down a massive hill just a year ago! The prednisone allowed this for a short while.





The two of us at the bottom of the hill after I accidently rolled over her..LOL!

Ayanna and me now. This is the love of my life!